The Visitation

Ok, going back a bit. Adric's back to life, nobody's heard of Turlough, we've just left the Kinda and Tegan has just remembered what happened when the snake thing took over her mind. And now she's trying to leave. Why is she leaving? What? I mean, I know she decides to leave, but why? She's looking forward to just assimilating back into English air stewardess culture. They've landed at Heathrow 300 years early and the Doctor doesn't seem too bothered, nor does he understand why she would be. Heh, the others are forcing him to act like he has emotions.

Aha! There goes action!Doctor again! Oh, for fuck's sake Adric. There's nothing on the ground, how could you possibly trip? Did that guy just suggest their pursuers might "cuddle them to death"? I swear that's what I heard. Lol, Mr. Community Theatre here goes "I was once a thespian". No, really?

Woah, the celery just sticks to his jacket! It's not pinned or anything! He just took it off to check it then slapped it right back on there! That celery might be the most interesting part of Five.

What the bloody hell was that guy's accent just then??? American back-woods yokel? My god.

Alright, I stopped writing about halfway through, but for posterity I'll post this anyway.


Quotes
Adric: Though I must admit, I'm not entirely convinced [Tegan] likes me.
Doctor: Now, don't jump to conclusions Adric. Sometimes we... humanoids try to disguise our... our true feelings. (...?)

Nyssa: Is it sensible to go on?
Doctor: Probably not.

Mr Community Theatre: What should we say if they open the door?
Adric: ...'hello'?

Fish thing: You're being a very stupid woman.
Tegan: That isn't a very original observation.

Terminus

You really can't blame Tegan and Nyssa for not trusting Turlough. He has an incredibly irritating and slimy manner about him. Poor guy, though. If only he were better at lying and not seeming very obviously like a rat. I just want to get to the bit where they all know that he's being extorted into trying to kill the Doctor and everybody can get over it and move on with their lives. I don't like these episodes but I'm watching them for the sake of the experiment.

Quotes:
"If we don't do something quickly, the whole universe will be destroyed!"

Mawdryn Undead

This one I need to do an entry for, it's looking so goofy. The start, where you meet Turlough being a total spaz, stealing a car and such. I don't know how to describe it, he really is just a spaz. And maybe he wouldn't hate Earth so much if he weren't spending his time here in a British boarding school. Also, the Black Guardian is so creepy my head hurts. His head actually looks as though he's got a big glob of petrol on his head that's slowly dripping down. Hm, I've just realized I really ought to watch Snakedance before this one, but meh.

Also, Turlough is not only a spaz, he's a sociopathic lying spaz. Did the Black Guardian just say "Go to the Hellboy"? Yeesh, what is this, Hippo's theme music? This weird keyboard cartoony nonsense? And why would a fat awkward nerd like Hippo ever be friends with an obvious heartless dick like Turlough? Poor guy.

Hee hee, the little jump of surprise the Doctor just did was priceless. What in the name of sanity is going on with Turlough's eyes?

Wait, now the thing on the Black Guardian's head looks like a dead slimy bird. Ok, that's my final answer. I think they're doing a pretty good job of provoking sympathy for Turlough, even while they make it explicitly clear that he's a complete asshole. Oh, poor Hippo. Dude, Turlough is a fantastically terrible liar. Nyssa and Tegan are clearly much better at reading people than the Doctor. Or maybe they just don't like boys. Argh, this is almost unpleasant to watch. I'm gonna... play an online game at the same time or something. See you in a bit. Woah, spaz attack. Just saying.

Heh, that was a pretty girlish shriek coming from Turlough just now. Although, yeah I feel pretty bad for him at this point. The cowering and pleading and genuine terror is doing its job.

Oh for heaven's sake. Just ask the guy something only the Doctor would know! Ask him where Adric is or something. Although the guy knows all their names and it isn't necessarily impossible that he becomes a jerk to his friends after regeneration. Man, Turlough is getting some funky background music. And by "funky" I don't mean weird, I actually mean funky.

D'awww, little baby Nyssa and Tegan!! So cute!!! Anyway. Turlough is still a sketch and all that. Whatever.

Earthshock

Ah, the one where Adric dies. I'm starting the post a bit in, second episode I think. Did that Cyberman just call that other Cyberman "Linda"? They're exaggerating the antagonism between Adric and the Doctor because they know he's gonna die. He wants to go home - to E-space. Not possible, clearly, but Adric thinks it ought to be. The Doctor doesn't agree.

Ooh, the Cybermen are doing a little recap of the Doctor's interaction with them. Clips from the three old Cyberman episodes I ended up watching in research! Cool.

Aw, the Doctor is making up with Adric. Up. Awww..... they're so cute! Oh, Adric doesn't really want to go home. He just said it and calculated a route to make a point. They're so cute!! They just want to confuse your opinions of Adric, don't they? So you don't know what to think when he goes. Also, I have recently learned that Adric isn't the only companion who died. I'm not sure about the others but I'm pretty sure there are others. Oh no! Adric is coming out of the TARDIS to explore with the Doctor! At least the Doctor knows he's there for once. But Adric is the one sneaking about being cautious while the Doctor strides boldly around corners and says things like "I want to announce my PRESENCE!!"

Meehhhh, Adric is so nervous, he knows something's going to go wrong. Gah, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it! Well, ok. I will. But still! Oh, cool. Adric really does have mathematical excellence. He just took the square root of 3.somethingsomething in his head!

Hm, the Cybermen are much more expressive than I've ever seen them. They lean around and use a bit of body language, interact with each other. They're much more like people.

Oh yes, the obligatory "what use are emotions" conversation necessary in every Cyberman episode.

Oh, Adric! He didn't get the chance to see if his way to keep the ship from crashing was right because a Cyberman blasted the console and then he crashed into Earth and blew up and died!!! Oh, jesus... no sound over the end credits and just a picture of Adric's broken badge for mathematical excellence. Wow. Oh, Adric...

Four to Doomsday

Another! Another! Next in line. I don't know how long I'll be going in order like this for, but for now it's working pretty well for me. Old episodes used to flow into each other much much more. Oh, Doctor. What is that thing on your head? Oh, jeeze, that was pretty funny. They're talking about Earth fashion and the Doctor says "Some of them even wear safety pins" meaning as earrings. The '80s, I guess. Heh.

Wow, Tegan can draw really quite well. Oh, holy god. It's... well, it's... an African. And the TARDIS isn't translating him. Oh crap, no, it's not an African. He's an Australian aboriginal and Tegan can understand him. There still is no reason why the TARDIS won't translate him. Anyway, he's one of many people from various times and places on Earth, though the rest seem to be translated. And look, there are the people Tegan drew. It's the two green people who weren't the Monarch (played by Stratford Johns? That's not a name).

These Earth people are really weird. Cryptic, lethargic, and weird.

And now we're watching an endless show of Earth culture. Some kind of flute dancing and now some dragon dancing, oh god, why is this happening?? It's like Orgy of the Dead! Oh, god, I'm sorry, Doctor Who. I didn't mean it. I really didn't. It's not like Orgy of the Dead at all. I'm so sorry. Not at all like it. Oh, thank heavens, the dragon thing is ending. Please let there not be more.. SHIT. Now it's Roman gladiator stuff. What kind of boring people prefer this as entertainment to ANYTHING ELSE??? Oh, but the boring Greek guy is helping the Doctor do... something. Um, did the Monarch just say... "Flesh time"? I don't know how to feel about that.

No, yet more! Now it's the Australians! Oh for the love of all that is clay, who thought this was a good idea? Waugh! Old Greek guy is a robot! I think they're all robots. Ugh. Oh, god. The Doctor just said "Chinaman". Fucking '80s. Anyway, fleshtime! And here we go with the "androids can't feel love, isn't that awful" and "oh, no it isn't, what's love anyway". The Monarch wants to turn Earth people into robots to save them from sickness and hunger and stuff. It's like Age of Steel and such. So irritating after a point. We won't become robots, get over it. And my god, these people are so DULL. THAT'S the problem with this plan, it makes everyone DULL. SO DULL. An eternity of DULL. This episode is becoming DULL. I THINK I'VE BEEN AWAKE FOR ABOUT 48 HOURS WITH ABOUT THREE HOURS OF NAP. I'M HUNGRY. Ok, you know what, Adric is being an idiot. I don't like him any more. I hope he dies soon. Stop telling people about the TARDIS. That's the Doctor's ace in the hole.

Oh, look at that celery on his jacket. Silly man. Hee hee, that was funny. I can't describe it, I suppose I'll show you. I just find this exchange hilarious, especially the end: check it out.

But Adric is the real destructive fool here. He doesn't see the harm in the Monarch wanting to turn all of humanity into robots. What a stupid freak. And HOLY FUCK! Tegan just operated the TARDIS! How did she do that???

The Doctor said he was shortsighted in his right eye. I guess that's what the brainy specs are for. And OH GOD there's going to be more dancing! Oh my god I hope that's not what he meant. And there's a handbook for the type 40 TARDIS. And GOOD GRIEF IT IS MORE DANCING. WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS??? Ugh, the Doctor is bluffing very obviously, knowing the Monarch can hear him, saying how cool he's just realized the Monarch is, and Adric actually believes him. What an idiot. He can't die in a fiery inferno fast enough for me. And the Doctor just called Adric an idiot!!! Hooray!!! Finally. And OH GOD IT'S THE FIRST DANCE YET AGAIN. Ugh, Adric was bluffing when he said he'd go along with the vampires, but he's definitely not now. But I think he's just come to his senses and he's going to help the Doctor. Good good.

MORE DRAGON DANCING. I don't know how much I can say from here on in. I just tried to work out after an astonishingly small number of sleeps and basically collapsed after about 15 minutes. Oh for the love of god... enough with the dragon dancing! Oh... oh my... no, please. Whatever that is, I prefer the dragon dancing. Oh, please, oh god... this is so much worse. Diaper wrestling? Clumsy failed gay sex? Please, enough!

Mmm, the Doctor can withstand subzero temperatures for about six minutes. One day I will catalogue all these little facts.

Ok, so I'm not really sure what happened with that ending there, but I don't really care. Nyssa just collapsed, but, again, I just don't care. I'm gonna watch more Four.

Quotes:
"Hello. I am Monarch." "Yes, you look like you might be."

Castrovalva

Ok, I know I said I wanted to go back and watch more Tom Baker, but Peter Davison just looked so cute sitting up in Four's clothes like that, I just had to continue with this story. So here we go. Suddenly it's weird having the Doctor be so young. He's all cute and confused. It's suddenly disorienting to have the Doctor suddenly be someone else. And he's acting really weird. I've never had regeneration feel so bewildering. He's all... thinking he's other Doctors and talking to the Brigadier and Jamie. And for some reason his new outfit is waiting for him in front of a mirror. And there's the recorder from Two, but no. His prop is to be a fucking cricket bat. And here's his room - a cricket enthusiast haven. Why you ask? Crack. Pure crack. Pure, unadulterated, totally canon crack.

Waugh!! He's floating! The Zero Room is cool! This is how he sleeps here, I guess. Neat. Tegan is Australian. Hey! The brainy specs! D'aww...

I do like him. I mean, he's no Tom Baker, but Four was getting so angry and distant by the end anyway... maybe that's just what happens to them? I mean it never happened to Nine, but Ten certainly went batshit for a while before he regenerated.

What the...? What the hell are those people wearing? I mean really. Seriously, you people look ridiculous.

Ok, spent a lot of time just watching and absorbing there. Basically the guy who everyone thought was in charge of Castrovalva was actually the Master in disguise, and Castrovalva was a creation projected by Adric's mind, as was the instruction manual in the TARDIS computer. The Master made some funny faces and poses when he thought the Doctor was evading him. I don't know, their relationship is very odd at this point. And the Master is still an expert weirdo.

Logopolis

So there's this part of the TARDIS where the Doctor goes to pace up and down and think, and it's pretty expansive and it's got like vines all over everything and it looks like this neat place with stone pillars and things. Really neat, we should talk about it more.

Now he's taking Adric to Earth, and we're meeting Tegan, and super fun stuff. The Doctor wants to go to Earth... to measure a police box, then take the measurements to Logopolis to... fix his chameleon circuit? Well, something like that. I am terribly confused.

Oh, look! Romana's old room! I'll take a screenshot of that (screenshot). You can see her hat! And the TARDIS has popout controls. He's thinking about the chameleon circuit because that's how the Master hid from them on Traken. Oh, I really do need to just pay attention. This may be a short, choppy entry. I like Tegan.

Lol, they just landed right next to a real police box.

Waugh!! What's that??? Some kind of white human thing!!! Weird. Anyway, he's measuring a real police box so they can... make the TARDIS look like a police box? More? Oh, for heaven's sake. I'll get back to you when I figure out what the hell is going on. There it is again!

Oh, heavens... he's created some kind of paradox. When you go into the police box he sucked into the TARDIS there's the inside of a TARDIS with a police box in it, which presumably is also a TARDIS with another TARDIS inside it, and so on and so on. Oh, you know what? The TARDIS really does have double doors. Oh, wait, you know what? That thing at the beginning... maybe that was the Master's TARDIS materializing around the police box as a police box, so now they're in the Master's TARDIS. Doesn't explain why the police box they absorbed just TARDIS'd away... AARRGGH!!!

Ok, one thing is now clear. That's definitely the Master laughing like that. Oh, never mind! I really really am going to go off until I figure out what's happened.

My, the Doctor is very angry. And he just said he and Master have the same mind. I don't know what to make of that. Now I think he's trying to drown the Master... who I think is inside the TARDIS, in his own TARDIS. Oh, for heaven's sake. I still don't get it, I don't know why I came back.

That white thing is still hanging around. Now he's beckoning in a weird way. The Doctor just said "Nothing like this has ever happened before." Oh dear.

Eugh, the Master is smiling at Nyssa all creepy... she thinks he's her father 'cause he looks like him. And he's acting all creepy, ooh! He's such a sketch! Ugh, what a creeper. The way he walks around and... leans at people. Blech, the leaning! And he makes the Doctor very uncomfortable. Woah, they are quite habitually standing quite close to each other, look. Oh, never mind me. So I'm a creeper too. But I don't... lean at people like he does. With his moustache and his velvet outfit and his leather gloves. It really is weird to see the Doctor with another Time Lord again. The chemistry really is different.

Wow, woah, Doctor! So angry! "I've never chosen my own company!" And he yells at Nyssa because she was the one who begged him to help her find his father, and Adric was a stowaway, and now he's being forced to team up with the Master to keep the whole fucking universe from collapsing. I didn't know Tom Baker could do grim and angry and desperate. And he says the Master has a brilliant mind. Ok, this episode is cool.

Wait a second, they had headphones way back then? My world view has been shattered! And there's that white thing again! What the hell is it? Oh, you know what? It just hit me for real that this is the episode in which Four dies and turns into Five. I mean, I like Five and all, but Four is still my favourite... *pout*. I'm going to go back and watch more four after this. I don't care about finishing this little Master saga, I miss Four already. Oh no! There he goes up the tower thing! Waahhhh! And the Master is laughing maniacally, he's gonna kill him - look out Doctor!!

Gee, sometimes you just want to grab this guy by the lapels and scream at him - what the hell is wrong with you?? Get a girlfriend, for fuck's sake, or a fucking stamp collection. My god, don't you have better things to be doing? That kind of thing.

Doctor, nooooo!!!! This body isn't as strong as David Tennant's, which can somehow survive jumping out of a moving spaceship and crashing through a glass ceiling before falling onto a hard stone floor. And there's that white thing again! What the... it's the Doctor...? It just went into him and he regenerated... oh for fuck's sake.

The Keeper of Traken

And the journey continues. We're back in N-Space, Romana and K-9 are gone, now it's just the Doctor and Adric. I like Adric. He's cute. This is a little weird, though. He keeps touching him... no, not like that. I mean just on the shoulder and... ok, so I'm warped! It just seems odd that it's the Doctor and this little kid.

So. They're going to Traken, and this old guy (the Keeper of Traken) just popped into the ship in a big velvet chair. He seems nice. Traken is a place held together by people being terribly nice to each other, but the Keeper says there is great danger all of a sudden! Wow, this guy is powerful. Good thing he's on our side. He can just kind of use the TARDIS just by thinking about it. Ok, so the problem is that there are nightmoths, and some things called melkar (I think) that grow weeds and look like modern art, and die eventually because they're evil and evil things just kind of die on Traken because the atmosphere is so nice. But the Traken people feel bad for them because they die and the Traken people are so so nice.

Hey, that looks like...! Yeah! There's Nyssa, which means this is the planet where the Master takes the body of some guy because he's at the end of his regenerations. I knew that grey-haired guy was Anthony Ainley. Yay, the Master is in this episode! Oh, the guy whose body he takes is Nyssa's father. That's so sad.

It's so much more calm and intellectual than the new series. No running around. More reading. More debate.

Well, that episode was a bit uninteresting, in the end. The gross decrepit Master is really weird. I mean really quite weird. And a definite creeper, too. All that talk about bodies, he was not pleasant to watch. Anyway, that episode was only important for the rejuvenating of the Master, and now he's rejuvenated, so there you are.

Quotes:
"And as for your handwriting...!" "My handwriting? What about my handwriting?!" "...It's absolutely marvelous."