The Deadly Assassin

Supremely confused. The Doctor is on Gallifrey, on the way he had a premonition of himself shooting the Lord President then when he gets there he tries to warn everyone but... they are mad at him... they want to detain him? He's disguising himself as someone with a crimson robe, he seems to be wearing a white T-shirt underneath it! Well, now we know a bit about the Doctor's underthings. Ok, and the Castellan thinks there's a conspiracy against the Lord President but can't convince him it's serious. Someone in black knocked out a guy on a balcony and is aiming a rifle at where the Lord President is going to come out, but right now he's got the Doctor in his sights and he's making weird talking noises.

Gallifrey has local news channels, by the way. PR videocast. Ok, Time Lords wear awfully weird clothes. Those neck things that stick up above their heads are very strange. The Doctor is very worried. Oh, the guy who got knocked out was a camera technician for the PR videocast. The Doctor realizes what's happened and dashes up to the balcony. I'm only doing a play-by-play so I have any idea what the fuck is going on. Ok, now the Doctor is standing by the camera, watching the proceedings from there, and there was no one up there when he get there. Um, now he's taking aim and he just shot the Lord President. Um, why did he do that? I hope this is one of those Doctor Who things where they just kind of go along without letting you know what the fuck is happening but you figure it out by the end.

Oh, wait, I think there was someone in the crowd with a pistol, and Doctor was aiming at them, but the guy with the pistol shot first, so it looked like the Doctor shot him. If they have any kind of forensic science they can easily prove that the rifle wasn't the gun that killed him. They're Time Lords for fuck's sake. Was the Lord President on his 13th body? Must have been. Huh, not the most democratic process. The President names a successor, and if he doesn't or can't they vote.

Waauuugghhh!!! More Doctor whumping!! Sadface!!!! He's torturing him for a confession. Um, by "hot and cold technique" does he mean "good cop bad cop"? Argh, vaporization without representation is against the constitution. They're ignoring the law because they don't like him. The Castellan has a weird accent. Like really, I mean it, it's really weird. Gee, there's something very wrong with Time Lord society. People are giving their testimony... to the Doctor? Isn't he on trial? He's not taking minutes, he's drawing a Time Lord. And he knows the law very well. He's submitting himself to be considered for president. It gets him off the hook while he's a candidate. But being the president would be awful torture for him.

LOOK! IT'S THE MASTER! LOOK AT HIM! HE'S ALL GROSS AND FALLING APART!!! Hmm, "Only hate keeps me alive... I must see the Doctor die with shame and dishonour. And I must destroy the Time Lords. Nothing else matters. Nothing." Oh, he's not crazy at all.

Ah, now the Doctor has realized the Master is behind it. Oh, the Time Lords are so convinced that their little system of record-keeping is so flawless it can't be manipulated. Stupid old men. Wow, the Doctor is telling them their technology is primitive rubbish, child's play to people like him and the Master.

Ok, what the fuck is going on? I mean really, what the fuck? He's in the computational matrix, which manifests itself as the worst fucking trip you ever had.

Again, I stopped before the end of episode. Posted for posterity.

Quotes:
Castellan: What is the Master like on mathematics?
Doctor: He's brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Almost up to my standard.

The Talons of Weng Chiang

Ok, the whole Cybermen thing was't working out. The last one was a reconstruction, the Invasion is animated, I'm gonna go back to the list of best episodes idea. So the Talons of Weng Chiang it is. Back to the good old Fourth Doctor!

I get this feeling like we're gonna be hearing the term "chinaman" a lot here. Ick, it's about a ventriloquist dummy. And I already have the feeling it's a Devil Doll kind of turning-people-into-dummies thing. So... this (not entirely authentic looking) Chinese dude levitated this guy's wife last week, she hasn't been the same since, she wandered into his dressing room last night, and she hasn't been seen since. And his ventriloquist dummy moved on its own.

Who the hell is that?! Dunno that I like new companions. I think this is a companion from the past, as well. Oh, no. He just said mentioned her ancestors. Wow, the Doctor is an action hero! And so's his companion! They just took on some fucking ninjas!

Hm... I don't know about the Doctor's Chinese. But he does look pretty bad ass dressed up like Sherlock Holmes.

Quotes:
"I'd have propelled him onto the pavement with a punt of the posterior."
"Li H'sen Chang. Hm, pity. I'd rather hoped we'd catch a little tit. Nevermind." (?!)

Logopolis

So there's this part of the TARDIS where the Doctor goes to pace up and down and think, and it's pretty expansive and it's got like vines all over everything and it looks like this neat place with stone pillars and things. Really neat, we should talk about it more.

Now he's taking Adric to Earth, and we're meeting Tegan, and super fun stuff. The Doctor wants to go to Earth... to measure a police box, then take the measurements to Logopolis to... fix his chameleon circuit? Well, something like that. I am terribly confused.

Oh, look! Romana's old room! I'll take a screenshot of that (screenshot). You can see her hat! And the TARDIS has popout controls. He's thinking about the chameleon circuit because that's how the Master hid from them on Traken. Oh, I really do need to just pay attention. This may be a short, choppy entry. I like Tegan.

Lol, they just landed right next to a real police box.

Waugh!! What's that??? Some kind of white human thing!!! Weird. Anyway, he's measuring a real police box so they can... make the TARDIS look like a police box? More? Oh, for heaven's sake. I'll get back to you when I figure out what the hell is going on. There it is again!

Oh, heavens... he's created some kind of paradox. When you go into the police box he sucked into the TARDIS there's the inside of a TARDIS with a police box in it, which presumably is also a TARDIS with another TARDIS inside it, and so on and so on. Oh, you know what? The TARDIS really does have double doors. Oh, wait, you know what? That thing at the beginning... maybe that was the Master's TARDIS materializing around the police box as a police box, so now they're in the Master's TARDIS. Doesn't explain why the police box they absorbed just TARDIS'd away... AARRGGH!!!

Ok, one thing is now clear. That's definitely the Master laughing like that. Oh, never mind! I really really am going to go off until I figure out what's happened.

My, the Doctor is very angry. And he just said he and Master have the same mind. I don't know what to make of that. Now I think he's trying to drown the Master... who I think is inside the TARDIS, in his own TARDIS. Oh, for heaven's sake. I still don't get it, I don't know why I came back.

That white thing is still hanging around. Now he's beckoning in a weird way. The Doctor just said "Nothing like this has ever happened before." Oh dear.

Eugh, the Master is smiling at Nyssa all creepy... she thinks he's her father 'cause he looks like him. And he's acting all creepy, ooh! He's such a sketch! Ugh, what a creeper. The way he walks around and... leans at people. Blech, the leaning! And he makes the Doctor very uncomfortable. Woah, they are quite habitually standing quite close to each other, look. Oh, never mind me. So I'm a creeper too. But I don't... lean at people like he does. With his moustache and his velvet outfit and his leather gloves. It really is weird to see the Doctor with another Time Lord again. The chemistry really is different.

Wow, woah, Doctor! So angry! "I've never chosen my own company!" And he yells at Nyssa because she was the one who begged him to help her find his father, and Adric was a stowaway, and now he's being forced to team up with the Master to keep the whole fucking universe from collapsing. I didn't know Tom Baker could do grim and angry and desperate. And he says the Master has a brilliant mind. Ok, this episode is cool.

Wait a second, they had headphones way back then? My world view has been shattered! And there's that white thing again! What the hell is it? Oh, you know what? It just hit me for real that this is the episode in which Four dies and turns into Five. I mean, I like Five and all, but Four is still my favourite... *pout*. I'm going to go back and watch more four after this. I don't care about finishing this little Master saga, I miss Four already. Oh no! There he goes up the tower thing! Waahhhh! And the Master is laughing maniacally, he's gonna kill him - look out Doctor!!

Gee, sometimes you just want to grab this guy by the lapels and scream at him - what the hell is wrong with you?? Get a girlfriend, for fuck's sake, or a fucking stamp collection. My god, don't you have better things to be doing? That kind of thing.

Doctor, nooooo!!!! This body isn't as strong as David Tennant's, which can somehow survive jumping out of a moving spaceship and crashing through a glass ceiling before falling onto a hard stone floor. And there's that white thing again! What the... it's the Doctor...? It just went into him and he regenerated... oh for fuck's sake.

The Keeper of Traken

And the journey continues. We're back in N-Space, Romana and K-9 are gone, now it's just the Doctor and Adric. I like Adric. He's cute. This is a little weird, though. He keeps touching him... no, not like that. I mean just on the shoulder and... ok, so I'm warped! It just seems odd that it's the Doctor and this little kid.

So. They're going to Traken, and this old guy (the Keeper of Traken) just popped into the ship in a big velvet chair. He seems nice. Traken is a place held together by people being terribly nice to each other, but the Keeper says there is great danger all of a sudden! Wow, this guy is powerful. Good thing he's on our side. He can just kind of use the TARDIS just by thinking about it. Ok, so the problem is that there are nightmoths, and some things called melkar (I think) that grow weeds and look like modern art, and die eventually because they're evil and evil things just kind of die on Traken because the atmosphere is so nice. But the Traken people feel bad for them because they die and the Traken people are so so nice.

Hey, that looks like...! Yeah! There's Nyssa, which means this is the planet where the Master takes the body of some guy because he's at the end of his regenerations. I knew that grey-haired guy was Anthony Ainley. Yay, the Master is in this episode! Oh, the guy whose body he takes is Nyssa's father. That's so sad.

It's so much more calm and intellectual than the new series. No running around. More reading. More debate.

Well, that episode was a bit uninteresting, in the end. The gross decrepit Master is really weird. I mean really quite weird. And a definite creeper, too. All that talk about bodies, he was not pleasant to watch. Anyway, that episode was only important for the rejuvenating of the Master, and now he's rejuvenated, so there you are.

Quotes:
"And as for your handwriting...!" "My handwriting? What about my handwriting?!" "...It's absolutely marvelous."

Warrior's Gate

Alright, time to say goodbye to Romana and K-9. This is the last episode in which they appear (well, as real companions anyway). Comes right after State of Decay, so the setting is still E-Space, and Adric is still along for the ride. And K-9 is a walking (rolling?) disaster area at this point, as well. Constantly broken so John Leeson doesn't actually have to participate. Ah, I love Tom Baker.

Heh, the guys on this ship (though kind of callous and evil and greedy in general) are pretty funny. At least their interactions are funny. They really convey the idea of a crew of people who've been stuck together in a kind of hopeless situation for a while and are loosing the will to care anymore. And now K-9 is broken again. And the Doctor is following a lion-man into an abandoned castle a point in E-Space with all coordinates zero.

Waauugghh!! The skeleton suit of armor thing just moved. Creepy. I think this episode was written by someone who was chronically confused. I can't exactly explain why, but it just feels that way. It's not the efficient fighter in the world, is it? I do like how the stop-start seizing type music is reflecting the movement of the thing. Ok, now the Doctor is holding a giant axe pretending to be a skeleton suit of armor. Fail.

Tee hee, Romana's funny. She tells Adric to stay inside the TARDIS and says "Especially if I do this..." and puts her hands up in the air then behind her head. Lol, and now she's playing with these guys' minds. I love her. Oh, that actually was meant to be a sign for Adric not to come out. Well, whatever.

Woah! Their freighter looks a little bit like Serenity! And the Doctor isn't doing so well against these guys. Well that was a gamble. He put his head down (as if giving up and allowing them to just slice his head off) and the two hit each other. Silly man.

Oh, poor Romana. She's been put in the torture chair the hairy guy was in before and she is not enjoying it one bit. Everything always happens to her. And now she's being assaulted by another of those hairy lion guys who's breathing all heavy. Pervert. Ok, obviously not really, but still. Weirdo. Ah, he's just releasing her. Neat.

Man I'm hungry, I think I'll go for a sandwich or something. Be right back.

Ok, had to scrap the sandwich idea. No bread. Well, ok, yes we have bread, but it's icky dry wheat bread. I got oatmeal instead.

Anyway, this episode is really confusing. Someone is speaking cryptically and the Doctor is confused. I feel totally lost. Oh, and poor Romana still. These two comic relief people are making me very tense [Tom Servo]. Gosh, this is weird. I don't even have much to say, it's just so odd. In a kind of lost, what's going on here, why are these people doing this, what is the gateway, why is the background suddenly black and white, how did we suddenly appear in History of the World Part I, and WHAT IS WRONG WITH K-9???

Oh, Adric! He snuck onto the ship! What a silly boy. I suppose he's there to save Romana. I get this feeling she could take care of herself, though. And indeed, here she comes!

God, at least there doesn't seem to be much more. Who the hell wrote this? What were they on? Was it written in a round robin of some kind? What is with this music? Can someone explain this nonsense? Oh well, who cares. So long as I understand why Romana sticks around in E-Space in the end I'll be ok.

Argh, what's going on??? Romana just teleported, and she and the Doctor just jumped forward in time a whole bunch. My god, this is strange. I am so confused. Whatever. I'm losing interest very quickly.

Huh. That was weird. And sudden. Just kind of... oh, Doctor, I'm not coming with you. I'm staying here. See ya! Ok, bye! Have fun!


Quotes:
"Just needs a little friendly persuasion, that's all." "I've been friendly!" "Probably too friendly. I said a little friendly. Firm, but friendly."
"Make safe the hatchway... close the door.... AFTER I'VE GONE THROUGH!"
"He's gone again. It's like talking to a cheshire cat."

We have lift off!

Full Circle

Well, I can't say it was one of my favourite episodes so far, but it wasn't bad. Interesting, at least, in some ways. The E-Space stuff is cool, of course. I feel like the planet with negative coordinates of Gallifrey should have been a bit more special, though. Although there was a familiar sense of overwhelming bureaucracy and ceremony that the Doctor so hated about Gallifrey. The bit where he's standing in front of the Deciders, furious at the deception of their people and the careless disregard for life, he seemed to upset about it it almost was as if it had hit a nerve. The amount of procrastination and laissez faire style shown by the Deciders really bothered the Doctor, as someone who continually shows a profound interest in respecting all forms of life. Anyway, I'm rambling.

Adric! I don't care what anyone says, I like him. I think he's sweet and cute and pleasantly independent. He knows the Doctor knows exactly what he's doing, but in the absence of instructions he can come up with something clever to do all on his own. And he's smart. I'm not sure how old he's supposed to be, though. Sometimes he's like a precocious twelve-year-old, but he looks at least 16. But I'm pretty sure he's supposed to be the youngest companion the Doctor ever had, and Ace was only 16, so he's probably younger than that.

And this was an episode in the full swing of "let's break K-9 as much as possible so John Leeson can go home early", so there wasn't much of him. Which I think is a shame. I didn't like him at first, but he grew on me. I think he's cute, I think it's cool when he's a little bit feisty, and I like it when the Doctor and Romana treat him like their pet. "'What is it'? It's my dog!" Cute.

Other than that, there really isn't that much to say about this episode. They get trapped in E-Space, they meet Adric, Romana is part marsh-creature for a while, and the Doctor gets mad at some stuffy old guys.

Favourite quotes:
"What is this, Noah's Ark? Where's Romana?!"
"How can you compare us to those things?" "Yes, I see what you mean. I suppose they are adaptive and intelligent."