The Mutants

A.k.a. The Daleks. They landed and checked the radiation levels, then once they turned away the radiation meter shot up to danger levels. The Doctor is having quite a lot of trouble controlling the TARDIS. My guess is it was running on fumes when he stole it, about as obsolete as a colour Gameboy, and by this point it's more like an Atari 2600. Eventually he learns how to upgrade it and get it working like an N64, but it'll never be an Xbox Kinect.

D'aww, the Doctor wants Barbara to talk to Susan because the age difference between him and Susan is so great. Uh oh, radiation poisoning. Barbara's suddenly got a headache. I betcha it's radiation poisoning. So there's this machine that generates food cubes that taste like whatever you want, based on the code you put in (out of a booklet sitting on top of the machine, honestly).

No no, children, it is very important that you see the city. What?? NO! You have to learn about the Daleks! Hm, the Doctor just took out then put back in some sort of crystal thing. Did he sabotage it so they wouldn't have to leave? What a sly old dog. Woah, much more to the console room here. A glass chamber, a telephone, OH DOCTOR. He is a sly old dog. He did sabotage it. He needs to refill some thingy with mercury so they have to go to the city. Bastard.

There's our first Dalek! Huzzah! Well, just the plunger, actually.

There they are. Their voices sound like the voices of older men. They shot Ian just to temporarily paralyze his legs, even though he tried to run away. They must get meaner over time.

Susan's terrified, impotent sobbing is really starting to piss me off. She is so weak I can't even handle it. Close the doors, Susan! Stopping wobbling around like an idiot and get something done for Christ's sake! Huh, from the inside the TARDIS doors look like the rest of the walls.

I'd just like to say, having all of the episodes downloading straight to my computer is incredibly convenient.

Woah, Ian is pretending to be a Dalek. They took a Dalek out of his suit and put Ian in it. Ew, the Dalek is crawling out from under the cloak. It's all slimy and Daleky. Uh oh, Ian is stuck in the Dalek suit and they've figured out their ruse!

Hm, the Daleks have very low ceilings. Figures, I guess. Wow, this is so not the Doctor we know. No sense jeopardizing our own lives for things that aren't any of our business? What kind of philosophy is that? Jump in head first and solve everybody's problems no matter the danger!

An Unearthly Child

Seriously, I'm going in order now. Hee hee, every time they say "Doctor who?" it's funny. It never ever gets old. I've learned that the chameleon circuit had only just broken when we first meet him. They show up in the past and the Doctor and Susan go "Oh shit, it's still a police box". Aw, Susan is so upset that something has happened to the Doctor. She must be awfully devastated when he just fucking leaves later on.

This looks like that Carry On film with Helen Mirren. Cavemen, what silliness. These old episodes will probably be quite a trial. Holy god! That caveman just picked One right up! Carried him on his shoulder! Oh, they think since he was smoking a pipe he has fire inside him. They are desperate to make fire. Poor buggers, haven't thought of the scientific process yet. Wow, these people are really political. Woah, go Susan! She is screaming her head off, man.

I was going to say that I expect these old episodes might be a bit of a trial (though not as bad as Trial of an Audience if Nixon is to be believed), but this is pretty exciting actually. I mean sort of. I haven't decided what to do about the reconstructions yet, though.

Honestly, Susan, enough with the screaming. Yes it's a scary pig thing that's been killed recently. One or two shrieks of terror are enough. Hmm, the Doctor seems to have learned his "leave nobody behind" mentality from Susan and Barbara. Because right now he's like "What? Let them die! We're out of here." And he just called the caveman a savage. People are accusing him of acting as if everyone and everything is beneath him. He really is an arrogant teenager, isn't he? Wow, the Doctor is fucking evil! He was about to beat that guy to death! Gallifrey must have fucked him up.

Well, in the end they made fire and ran away, essentially. Kind of stupid, really. Not terribly clever. Oh well. It's over.

A Good Man Goes to War

***********SPOILERS*********** (Highlight to read)

Oh my god. This is overwhelming. Baby, Centurion Rory, angry Doctor, gathering of old friends, cot!!! All of it. Just so good. I knew it was a Time Baby. I knew Amy was being held somewhere by people who wanted to make Time Babies. Henry knew it was being conceived on the TARDIS that would make the Time Baby a Time Baby. We're so smart.

This is the angry Doctor. Now he's finally becoming as damaged as he ought to be, considering all of the things he's done. All the death he's seen, all the friends and family he killed, the friends he left, the people he failed to save,

THE KING OF TOWN!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

God, Amy! Fooling him the same way twice. The Time Baby!!!! Where is the Time Baby?????

Hey, Rory is a nurse too... huh. Ok, Steven Moffatt, this is not ok. How DARE you???

Ok, does River use lightning to time travel? Oh dear, domestic. Oh god, Doctor.

The Doctor's little noises when he finds out who River is. So cute! GOD I wish I could read Gallifreyan. Oh hang on, here we go. Oh, Gallifreyan doesn't translate. OH JESUS CHRIST IT'S RIVER RIVER IS MELODY HOW I DON'T EVEN WHAT KIND OF GENES MAKE A SCOTT AND A ENGLISHMAN HAVE A LIGHT BROWN BABY?????? HOLY FUCK HOW I DON'T EVEN

"We're the fat-thin-married-gay-Anglican marines. Why would we need names?"
"Good men don't need rules. Today is not the time to find out why I have so many."
"Well how would I know? That's all humany private stuff, it just sort of goes on. They don't put up a balloon or anything!"
"Of course I remember. I remember everyone."